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I need to have better luck. I rarely ask for anything from people. but no matter what i get screwwed over. take for example, i really like a certain person. I have liked her for a long time and a few people know it. im driving home and i see him hook up with her. now i know i shouldnt care, why should i care? he knew that would bother me and he still did it and he goes one to brag to people. but still i shouldnt be upset over it cause ill sound like im jealous. its not that im jealouse it just that i wish i could have better luck

there are many thins in life that i wish i have had, but i tend not to fouce on them even if they would benefit me. im the type of person who always will be there for others but when it comes to me no one is there. but dont get me wrong i dont look for it. I wish that i would be praised in my house instead of getting yeled at 24/7. do i do anything about it? no!i just learened to deal with. i wish that i had a  life.everyone around me is able to go out have fun with friends and have memorable experiences. me on the other hand has nothing.ever sice 1994 i have had trouble making friends. actually i had no true friends until middle school and that was only one person.back then the reason for not having friends was the fact that i was “different”. now in highschool well since im graduated i have even less friends. th reason for this is beause i dont conform to everyones i deas.like i said before i look out for others therefore i tend not to drink. but i get laughed at/ made fun of yelled at cause i dont drink/smoke or do anything else.Plus ingeneral im not a fan of alchol cause im afraid of what i may do because of it.I wish i would stop being screwwed over. no maater how many times i try to make peoples lives better and be the one to help i get nothing in the end. I dont ever  look to get anything or ask for anything if you get to know me pretty well i dont ask for anything. its just nice that if i did ever need something that someone would be able to return the favor. i wish that i could have a realationship. as i will laugh and say i have been single since 1992. but i hate it. i hate that fact that i can never had someone someone that was so close to that i could always go to them for something or have them be able to make my day better knowing that i was bad but i never told them. Its hard to get feeligns out of me but if you know me well enough you can see when im upset. they say things in highschool make you grow. but nothing did, i never went out, never got that first kiss or anything else. its like im the baby out of everyone. i would do anythign to be able to date someone. I know that i dont apeal to everyone else. Im not some crazy muscular guy with the jersey shore look or anything like what a girl wants. I only really have liked one person in my life to the point of wanting to have a realationship. But i have a -100% of it ever happening. its my best friend. shes been there for 7+ years. and from what i have seen we  click together very well i feel like i would be able to blow her previous boyfirends out of the water, the reason for this is because of the fact that she needs to be treated well and loved and cared which she hasnt been with all of them for the past 3yrs. i dont think it will happen not because i am being negative but because we are best friends and that  usually means realationships are out of the pictures. there is soo much i wish i could tell her but i feel that would make things worse. so i just have to deal with it like i do with everything else. like i said single and effective since age 0

Why is it that inorder for people wanting to hangout withme the only way to hangout with them is to eiather have a drink in my hand or a cigar in it? But if they arent in my hand I wont get talked to? Is drinking and smoking occasionally or all the time the only way that I will be able to communicate. It seems like it does because if i dont then i might as will be no one 

I might be stupid sometimes and not no what I’m doing. But i appreciate everything that you do. Your “you” and if it wasn’t for you I don’t know what i would be. i know it may seem like i can be jealous but i have learned over the 7+ years to get over it, all i want to do is just see you happy and not get hurt. the last thing I ever want to see is you hurt. I would do anything to make sure you don’t get hurt even if it means stepping in front of a car to protect you. I still remember the first time in 6th grade like it was yesterday. We met for a reason, if we weren’t supposed to meet then we wouldn’t have. You mean everything to me. Your my friend and family, you know me like no other person does. You know me more than my own family does. So the last thing i ever want is to see you gone. I am sorry for the way i acted. please don’t be upset because if your upset I’m just as upset. I’m sorry

I have been thinking about alot and how much things have been changing recently and why.Is it because we are older and we can see it clearly than when we where younger or is it that there is a point in life when everything changes at once. Friends, family, yourself, and your enviorment. The answer to this question I guess will be left partialy unanswered. You can get hints and ideas to help answer this question, but I dont think you can get the full answer. Life is very mysterious in many ways and the only way to “survive” it is by being able to take whatever it throws at your

Why is is that no matter how hard i try to please other people and help them out i always get the raw end of the deal. as for you, its like 7 years just went out the window. i know that even though i want more but you don’t. i should just move on like everyone else says i should.  But i don’t know what it is with me, you are the only person that ever has treated me different than other people. You know how much you impacted my life and how you impacted it. But now you go on as if nothing has happened. I know we probably weren’t meant to be and that all of this shouldn’t be bothering me but why? Why is it that every time i look at you, i think about you or you talk to me it hurts. I know i should move on in life but i cant. And i don’t know why i cant. And i dont know what to do anymore